I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
