nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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