I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
