you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
