if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
