just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
