You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
