Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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