I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
