But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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