Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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