he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
