Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
