im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
