Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
