dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We are all done wearing pants today
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
