I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
