I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
