it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
