I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
