he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
