Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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