your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
