Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
