Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
