Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
