I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
