Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
