just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
