whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
