The maid of honor just puked.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
