I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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