There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
