Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
