my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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