I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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