He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
