New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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