I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
