my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
