So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
