There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
