It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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