My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
