Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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