she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
