On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
