what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
