Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
