Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This house was built for laser tag.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
