That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
