So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
