this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
