She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
