oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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