he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
