Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
